Season 2, Episode 10

The Love Unshared

[The Beckford Theatre green room, night. The general bustle of people can be heard]

CHRISTINE

Places in ten!

CAST

[Overlapping with each other]

Thank you, ten!

ACTOR (LUCY)

Christine, have you seen my basket for the market scene?

CHRISTINE

I think we have a spare in the prop room. I’ll grab it, you finish getting dressed.

ACTOR

Cool, thanks!

[Christine opens a door to a back room. She rummages around for a few moments before stopping suddenly]

CHRISTINE

What the hell…?

[She picks up a music box which, after winding it, plays Satie’s Gnossienne No. 1. After processing it, she snaps the box shut. For a few seconds, we hear only her shaking breaths]

CHRISTINE

...You know, most people would just say hello.

ERIK

And most would not consider me to be “people”.

CHRISTINE

What are you doing here?

ERIK

It’s been some time since I’ve seen a show. Though I can’t help but notice that it seems to be missing its star.

CHRISTINE

Stop. Now no more bullshit. Why. Are. You. Here.

ERIK

...Would you believe that I only wanted to see you again?

CHRISTINE

I would. And that doesn’t exactly give me much comfort.

ERIK

You know that I would never harm you.

CHRISTINE

It’s not me that I’m worried about. 

ERIK

Frankenstein?

CHRISTINE

Not just him. You treat the world like it’s just one big box of things to help you get what you want.

ERIK

That’s--

CHRISTINE

You’ve killed people, Erik. 

ERIK

From what I understand, we have that in common.

CHRISTINE

[Oh shit]

What are you talking about?

ERIK

I am aware of your recent… activities.

CHRISTINE

So you’ve been stalking me. Again.

ERIK

I applaud your attempt at shifting the conversation, but I’m afraid it’s fallen a bit short. 

CHRISTINE

Look, I--

[Softer]

I haven’t killed anyone.

ERIK

But you’re no doubt responsible for several lost lives. How many has it been now? How many assignments have you accepted? You may not have been the one to steal their final breaths, but would they not still be alive had you not agreed to act on his behalf?

CHRISTINE

Maybe. Or maybe he would have just found someone else to do it. What are you getting at? Because this whole “We’re not so different, you and I” shit isn’t gonna cut it with me.

ERIK

You are in danger. I can put an end to it. Tell me where he is, Christine, and it will be over tonight. Let me protect you.

CHRISTINE

...God, you sound just like Victor.

ERIK

Do not ever compare me to him.

CHRISTINE

It’s true, though, isn’t it? You’re both so desperate to protect me. Well news flash, boys, I don’t need any more protecting than you do. I am a whole-ass adult. I’m sick of people assuming that my only personality traits are Music and Woman. I’m the one who got myself into this situation, I’ll handle it however I want. And by myself.

ERIK

...Christine, I love--

CHRISTINE

Don’t. Say that.

[She takes a breath, calming down a bit]

You think you love me, Erik. But I think you love the idea of me. You love companionship, you love compassion. The concept of someone who won’t abandon you. Everything that you deserved to have but never got. That’s why you went to Victor to have him make you a wife. It’s not me that you love, Erik. You love love itself. And let’s face it. If Meg, or Carlotta, or any one of the other girls had been the one to spend all that time with you, you’d have fallen just as hard for her.

[There is a long silence before Erik continues]

ERIK

I could say the same about you.

CHRISTINE

How do you know-- Erik, I dated Meg for three months when we were twelve, that doesn't--

ERIK

Whether or not you choose to acknowledge the fact, we are the same, you and I. I've no doubt your love for the man you've chosen to marry. But you've something deeper. You love the concept of love above all else. Just as I do. Anything that would pierce the veil of loneliness that so long has shrouded you.

CHRISTINE

[Soft]

...That's not fair.

ERIK

I think you and I know better than most that life seldom is.

CHRISTINE

[Getting more and more agitated]

Look, maybe you’re right, but don’t act like you have me all figured out, okay?!

ERIK

I know you better than--

CHRISTINE

What’s my middle name?

ERIK

I’m… sorry?

CHRISTINE

What’s my favorite color? What am I allergic to, what’s the name of the town where I grew up? You think you know me, Erik, but you don’t, and you need to stop pretending that you do!

ERIK

None of this is--

CHRISTINE

Would you just shut up for two seconds?! God, talk about like father like son! How many times am I going to be interrupted and talked over by you, by everyone?! “You need to be protected”, “You need to open up more”, “You need”, “You need”, “You need”! Jesus, why doesn’t anyone ever ask me what I need?! Everyone just assumes that they know me, what’s best for me, everything! And the moment I try to take my life into my own hands, suddenly I’m in “danger”, just because I decided to help--

[The door opens, and there are several seconds of silence]

HARBERK

… What the fuck--

CHRISTINE

[Sharp]

Not now, Harberk!

HARBERK

[What The Fuck]

Okay. Okay, I'm just-- I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna grab-- Hi. 'Scuse me.

[There is a rustle as Erik shifts out of the way]

Okay. I-- I'm gone.

[The door closes. There is a beat as Christine calms down]

CHRISTINE

...I know you mean well. But Erik, you’ve got to let me go. For good this time. Maybe-- Maybe-- we could be friends someday. But that’s gonna take some work on your part, you understand me? No more of… this. Write me a damn letter or something, send me a postcard. Just, “Hey, how’ve you been? Hope things are going well”. We start there, and maybe we’ll be able to see how things go.

ERIK

...Did you ever, for even a moment, think perhaps you could love me?

CHRISTINE

And what would you have to gain from knowing that? Whether I did or not, that doesn’t change where we are now. 

[Beat.]

Can I see you…?

ERIK

Christine--

CHRISTINE

Please.

[There is another beat before we hear a slight rustle of fabric as she removes Erik’s mask. He lets out a small, almost anxious breath at her touch]

Erik, someday, you are going to find someone who sees all the good that I know is in your heart. Someone who will be ecstatic about the idea of spending her life with you. And one day, you’re going to wake up next to her, and you’re going to know what it is to really, truly love. But it’s not going to happen on this road you’re going down. You’re angry with the world, and you let that drive you. You’re focused on revenge, when you could be focused on helping make sure that no one ever feels as lost or alone as you did. 

[She takes a breath]

I have to go. Enjoy the show, I’ll make sure Harberk doesn’t say anything to anyone. And take care of yourself, okay?

ERIK

...Of course.

[Christine give a small contented Hmm, then exits back into the greenroom]

CHRISTINE

Places!

[There is a general commotion as everyone rushes to their places. Christine takes a moment, then lets out another breath]

CHRISTINE

Erik? You still there?

[When there is no response, we hear her kick the wall. Her voice is shaking when she speaks]

Fuck! Shit! Fuck!

[Another beat. From upstairs, we hear muffled applause as the show begins]

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

…I’m in way over my head. I knew that when I started all of this. Not necessarily helping Victor– Even though wow, it is a lot more than I originally bargained for– but… what I’ve done to make some progress. Every single night, it’s the same. Even when I’m not… you know… it still feels like I am. I threw up five times during the first week. I hate to admit that Erik is right, but… God, he’s right. And I’m in way too deep to let the guys know what I’ve been up to. Victor would probably have a breakdown. Rightfully so, if you ask me.

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

…I’m scared, Dad. I just wanted to help. I only ever wanted to help. Isn’t that what you taught me? To do good, no matter how hard it may be? I’m trying to do good, and I just feel like it’s making things worse. 

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

Maybe this is your fault. Maybe you taught me too well, and now I just expect that other people want to do good, too. Maybe that’s why I constantly give my mind blindly to anyone who asks for it. Erik, Victor, Ruthven…. Of the three of them, only one actually cares about me as a person. Erik thinks he does, Ruthven sure as hell doesn’t give a rat’s ass. And Victor is… complicated. Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good word for it. He is one complicated son of a bitch.

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

I can still hear your voice. “Be nice, Christine.” “That was very nice, Christine.” All that time, we were both so focused on making sure I was nice, that we never made sure that I was good. And I don’t think I’m a good person, Dad. I used to. But a good person wouldn’t do this. I’m doing it to help Victor because I’m nice. Sacrificing all of this, things I didn’t even know were part of the deal, just because it might be useful? That is so fucking nice. But what I need to do? It sure as hell isn’t good. It’s about as far from it as I can get. 

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

And looking back, I don’t think I’ve ever been good, not really. I can trick people easy enough. People tend to like me. But if I decide I don’t want them to, well… we end up with another Raw Egg Through The Mailslot incident.

CHRISTINE (Cont.)

A good person would at least feel bad about that. I don’t. Meg and I spent hours laughing over it, and I still catch myself smiling at the memory. Sometimes I wonder what his reaction was when he found it after his vacation. Three weeks in the middle of the summer? Yikes on several bikes. [She give a small laugh] You would have hated it. You would have sat me down and asked why, and I would have explained. And… maybe you’d have understood enough not to punish me, but you still would have been disappointed. Told me not to do anything like that again. I have done things like that again. Hell, I’d do it again right now. I don’t regret a thing. Including what I’ve been doing. What I will do. It’s for them. For all of us. And God, Dad, I just hope you understand.